Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Some Days I Worry


Have you ever felt that it shouldn’t take as much energy as it does to keep you happy? I feel that way a lot. My life is pretty damn good, I have loving parents, and I’m out working towards my goals; so why should I have to force myself to look on the bright side of things? Does that make me selfish?

I guess no matter how great things are, I know there’s always something I could be doing to make it better. I have high expectations for myself I guess. I could work harder, do more for others, be less of a mess. Sometimes the things I love about myself turn around and become what I’m most critical of. I hate it when that happens, but I’m human and things aren’t always sparkles and rainbows for me.

I made a list of all the fears and worries I have (rational and irrational) that keep me up some nights when I should be sleeping in a happy bliss.

I’m alone.

I’m not super skinny.

I’m not as smart as I think I am.

I’m too lazy to be truly good at anything.

I’m a disappointment.

I won’t make new friends.

I’ll hate wherever I work.

I’ll fail.

I don’t have a good body.

I’m not good enough.

These are just ten of my worries, but they eat at me sometimes, usually when I’m at my most vulnerable. Logically, I know I’m a good person. I’m smart, I love my body, and I have a great personality. The problem is, negative thoughts only attract more negative. When I get into this mode it takes an incredibly amount of effort to remember anything good about myself.

But I do put in that effort. I drag myself out of the dumps and focus on everything positive. Sometimes I have to keep repeating it to myself over and over, just to fill my head with something nice. I have to remind myself that I don’t want to be super skinny and lose my killer ass. I enjoy having my alone time. And the rest is just false. I believe it doesn’t matter how far you fall as long as you can bounce back, so that’s what I try to do.

Do you connect with any of these worries? Comment any thoughts!