Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Night in the Country Knowledge

I have some wisdom for you all today. Actually I have a shit ton of wisdom to share, but I'm a tricksy little hobbit who doesn't give away all my secrets in one go, so today you'll have to settle for my generous nuggets on a specific topic: Night in the Country. 

To anyone reading this outside of Northern Nevada and California that was total nonsense, but I have faith that a few of you know what I'm talking about when I say those four fateful words. It is, essentially, a giant three day party in a field way out in Yerington, Nevada hosted by an organization that looks after children all across the country. It's our biggest fund raiser of the year, and by far one of my favorite parts of the summer. I spent four days moving tables, checking in campers, and helping people eat and get drunk all while spending time with some of the best co-workers I've ever had. That's not me being sentimental; dealing with shitty co-workers makes anything miserable, while having these amazing people next to me made 46 hours of work in four days an awesome life event. We blew that shit up!

Not only did I make buckets of money (you know, relative to the tiny amounts of money I'm used to), I learned some shit and it was awesome! I've decided, with the graciousness of a wise teacher, to share my wisdom with you here and now

The only point in hiring outside security is to make your organization look good. There was still alcohol, fights, and chaos but at least this year we can point fingers to the people we hired.

Just because you're surrounded by people who fear the good lord and all that nonsense, doesn't mean they'll actually practice what they preach. There are some mean, vicious people I had to deal with (the awesome co-workers really helped me put up with all that) and I'm sure 75% of them are in church most Sundays.

Kip Moore is a trash singer, but a beautiful man with a beautiful speaking voice. Let me know when he starts recording audio books and I'll be his biggest fan. 

Bandannas make everything feel more badass. Dust in your face? Put on a bandanna and look like a highway robber. Actually need to rob a store? Bandannas all day! Protect your identity and your throat!

A nice ass will get you a free drink wherever you are (also boobs).

A nice Lord of the Rings reference will draw out the nerds wherever you are, including a country music festival.

It's fun to dance on a stripper pole. Don't judge! Just enjoy yourself and know that you're brave and sexy and whatnot

Always know how to open a bottle without an actual opener. Because there will come a time when you don't have one and then where are you at?
Sober. That's where. 

I hope you've all learned something. Country music doesn't do it for everyone, but partying and camping sure do and every dollar people spent benefited the Boys and Girls Club in some way. Party for a good cause everyone :)